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Campaign Promises and Manifesto (of course, like any good politician, I reserve the right to change my chameleon colored skin at any moment )

We will make decisions at City Hall based on measurable facts.  Without facts and metrics, any proposal will be scoffed at and dismissed with a hearty laugh.

We will have a tax hiatus to see how long we can live on our fat.  I expect only the most important and basic services will remain after the tax famine.  The tax eaters will go away because they will no longer find food in the bowl.

Tosa schools' tuition will be paid by the education consumer.  This will introduce market forces from the parents who will demand pay for performance.  Again, this will cut the fat because we are past the point of diminishing returns with our educational tax dollars, and we have to regain our fiscal sanity.  We have to move down the expense curve until we reach a balance where each dollar on the margin returns at least one dollar in measurable utility (see rule number one).  As an example of fiscal sanity, there will be no logo, and there will be no community outreach coordinator.  There will only be buildings with teachers teaching kids with a minimal administration staff.  The Department of Overhead can expect to be trimmed.

We need to recruit more rich people to live here because they pay much more taxes than poor people do.  By removing the schools from the tax rolls, you will have rich people flocking here for the low property taxes. If they have kids, and when the schools become so good  (see rule number three), the rich people will gladly pay the tuition.  The smartest and wealthiest already put their kids in private schools, we need to give them a reason to choose Tosa schools instead. 

Mandatory firearms training and certification will be required to be a citizen here (like in Switzerland).  It will become much more risky to the bad guy to go robbing in tosa, and I suppose they will go to Brookfield to do their robbing instead...oh well.

We'll extend the track from the light rail line at the zoo to all the major and minor thoroughfares in Tosa.  We can all ride and toot on our daily commute.

I will change the sign on the door from Mayor to Burgermeister.
Then the very next thing I would do is go directly to the TTS and change my screen name to Meisterburger.
Then I will become the Burgermeister Meisterburger.

I'll also promise to wear the same helmet as Colonel Klink, and refer to all my subjects as "meine liebchen"

My administration would mandate accordion music at tosafest.
hier tanzen nicht verboten

I promise to put the water back in the pool, and fill it with hammer head sharks. I’d pass a law that if you get caught saying something dumb at the TTS, we make you swim a lap. If you make it across, you are free to come back.
(kind of like the Salem witch trials except without all the fire and witches)
 

Next I’ll pass a law that says every Tuesday is two-fer Tuesday at the mall. I know it will cost the merchants lots of money, and drive up costs to the consumers, but it’s what I want. I’ll call it my affordable shopping initiative.

In my first one hundred days, I promise to declare war on some crappy third world country like Iran or Venezuela or some other fever swamp.
You know, any old town board can draft resolutions to demand the end to US involvement in the war in Iraq, but if we are proactive and declare war on another country, boy, will we ever get the headlines…big bucks kinds of headlines too!
We’ll have all the majors here in town, eating our tosa food, sleeping in our tosa hotel beds, and broadcasting about our crazy mayor who talks like Colonel Klink, writes haiku, and has just declared war on Venezuela. We can even pass a special tax just on them, and really rake in the dough while they’re here. Really, when you think about it, what’s the risk?
Think about this perfectly structured logic for a minute. If we declare war on Venezuela, and Venezuela takes us up on it, well… I’ll bet we get full cover from the US Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines any way. So what do we have to lose?

Finally, I will craft legislation that exempts me from all the hardship, and ensures my personal enrichment.  There you have it.  I am the perfect politician in every way. 

I love my wife!  Vote for me!   = : >)| 

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